I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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