There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
