It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
