i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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