My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
