Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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