this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They have beer where we have blood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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