Porn is love you can see.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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