I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
