So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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