Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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