You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
