I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
