my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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