i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
