dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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