Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
