Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
