i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
