i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
