She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
