Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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