giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
