Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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