i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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