I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
