You smell like stripper and shame
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
