You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize