so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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