I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
