all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
