I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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