I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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