Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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