listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish i was in the wii world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
