Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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