he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
