so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
