I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
