Where is the hickey?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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