a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
