I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
