Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize