dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
