I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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