God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
