It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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