There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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