I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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