I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
