Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
