my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize