I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
