woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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