dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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