I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
