No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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