i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
