I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
