Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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