Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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