ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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