just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
