My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
