yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
