i was born a porn star she said
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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