I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
