Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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