I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
