So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
