It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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