College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
