there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
