Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
