i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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