Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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