hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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