WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
