fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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