everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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