well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
