is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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