Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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