dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
