she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize