I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
