he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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